Chris and Hayden

Life is unfair, isn't it? You are thrown into this world with nothing...naked, kicking and screaming! Nothing of your own to make life worthwhile, and you have to depend on someone else for even the smallest necessities. No food, clothes, toys; not a tv or a computer or a car!

For the first few years you have to cajole your parents/friends/husbandorwife to help you get the things you need to survive. If you're lucky enough to find out how to survive on your own, getting a job and a place of your own, you then feel the need to have a wife/husband who will take your independence and put it to work for themselves. Sharing in all the mental stability, possessions, not to mention SPACE! that you have acquired for yourself!

Might seem a little selfish of me to begrudge my independence, but oh well, that's how it seems, in retrospect, that is! It didn't seem that way while it was all happening, but in looking back at the whole picture, it just comes into perspective.
I mean, when I was single I had all anyone needs to survive. I had a house, a job or two, a cat whom I adored! And I was happy....well, most of the time.
Oh gee, and then I fell in "love!" I honestly did love him and I was ecstatically happy! And even though we always did the things he wanted to do I was still happy, just being with him. And this lasted an incredibly long 6 years. Long enough to produce my two heartbeats, Chris and Tiffany.

By this time my children had become more important to me than the things "he" wanted to do. When it came to spending a peaceful night at home playing with the kids to going out with his friends drinking and having fun with the "good old boys" he just couldn't make the right choice. But I did, and I have never regretted leaving and taking the kids and making a life of our own. I'm sure he has regretted his lifestyle many times since then. But somehow it's still not enough to make him treasure his children over what "he wants to do."

And you know, I always had in the back of my mind...."When my children get old enough to go out on their own, my job is done. I want to make them the people who will succeed in everything they do and they will be healthy and happy and then I can rest and go back to being the me I was before them."

Well, that's not exactly the way it goes!!!!

And I realize the facts of life again, a totally new set of them! Your children are your life, forever. You don't stop worrying about them when they grow up and move away. In fact, the worry gets worse!
When you are alone, you worry about yourself. If something is not right, you fix it or you work around it till you accept it and go on living.

When your children have problems, you worry and try to fix things, but you can't because it's not "your things" that need fixing and you can't fix them because it's not in your ability to fix. It's your grownup son/daughter's problem.

Now although you know there's nothing you can do, it is still your problem because you have always fixed things for them and you think you still ought to. Not possible. This leads to frustration, more frustration than you can handle if you don't watch out.

It's so hard for me to face the fact that I can't help my grown son deal with a wife who cheats on him with his best friend. A woman who makes me so sorry that I was ever nice to her. A woman so evil that she planned to have a baby with his best friend and pass it off as my sons baby.

It is hard for me not to go and pound some of the evil out of her. Not going to get into what all I'd like to do to her...not on here, LOL
I won't do any of this, not because I wouldn't dearly love to, but because of my grandson....3 1/2, who is really the victim in all this mess. My grandson, Hayden, whom I love like he was my own baby. Who loves his daddy so dearly and I am sure is so mixed up by not being with him anymore. My heart breaks for this child and what he is sure to go through as he grows older and learns the things that happened to break apart his home.

As much as I am having trouble dealing with all this, my son who has always been in control of things is suddenly at a loss to understand how a woman he loved and thought he'd be with all his life can do the things she has done, and is still doing. My heart breaks for him.

But I have to realize that I have to let him go and do his thing and not be trying to fix this for him. It's his job, his life....he's 26 years old and I have raised him to be the wonderful man he is. He will come out of this stronger and wiser and will be much better off without her than he would be with her. She is doing my job for me by being such a total lunatic and doing things that I could never imagine...things that are showing her to be someone I am glad he is going to be rid of.

God just give me the strength to be there for him and do the things I need to to help him through this and on to a better life.